Wednesday, June 14, 2006

What About The Fucking Dog?

How To Fucking Evacuate:
Where to fucking go? Some options: * Call up the woman whose house you clean and ask her if you can come clean up after her wherever she evacuates. * To the Switzerland of your youth! Relive the summers you spent skiing on Mont Blanc. Have a fling with Katje. Feel alive! What To Fucking Pack: Every Proper Hurricane Evacuation Kit Should Include the Following: Insurance Agent's Phone Number. His cell phone number. His agent code. His brother-in-law's and mother's numbers, addresses, and the GPS coordinates to their homes in Atlanta and/or Houston. Enough cash to pay for toiletries, gas, and other incidentals, like bribing your insurance agent to increase your contents coverage after the fact. ATMs may not be working and your bank may no longer exist. If you own your home, a copy of that document which shows that the bank, not you, is the one who really owns your home (also called a "mortgage"). If you rent, a copy of your lease. You'll need it to burn for warmth on those cold Memphis nights. Your flood insurance papers. For ass wiping. Directions to where you're "going."
Via Dangerblond.

1 Comments:

Anonymous longtime reader said...

Who needs your stinking list? I already have an excellent things-to-do list from The Times' hardboiled reporter Jan Risher. In case of devasting hurricane, I now know to get a can opener and learn to use it and to pray. I can now sleep at night knowing that I'm prepared thanks to Jan Risher, Gene Williams and The Times.

6/14/2006 04:59:00 PM  

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